Ten ways to encourage generosity in children

Ten ways to encourage generosity in children – reflections from ‘Giving is good for you’.

As a fundraising coach, I enjoy reading books about all things fundraising! So reading ‘Giving is good for you’ by John Nickson was an obvious choice. The book is filled with interviews with philanthropists talking about their experience of giving and their motivators. But as I was reading it, I was surprised by the number of people who spoke of their childhood and how that has impacted their reasons for giving.

So, it struck me; how can we encourage children to become generous financial givers when they too have money to share.

Here are a few reflections from the book, other books, social media shares and my own experience. Let’s consider ten ways to encourage giving in children:

1.       Start young.

Commonplace among the experiences of those interviewed in the book (although not all) was the fact that giving and generosity were taught from a young age. Interviewees talk of the option not to give was not even considered when they were young. You gave away money. No discussion. Then as they found themselves with money to share when they were older, it was an intrinsic part of them to give. Some shared experiences of not having much but their families still gave. Some told how they were always taught to look out for others less fortunate. These philanthropists now give millions away every single year. Their parents not only made a difference through their giving at the time but their legacy continues in their generous children.

The young years of growing up are incredibly informative to who we become as adults. We might want our children to do well at school so we help with homework or we want them to be active and a team player so we take them to a sports club. But we must not forget to instil the importance of giving at a really young age.

Questions: Considering the ages of your children, how can you child-age appropriately demonstrate generosity? At what ages can you start to reveal more and more about being generous?

2.       Model it.

Ever hear your child saying something and cringe because you can hear your own voice because they’ve just copied you? Or have you watched them making pretend dinner because they’ve seen you do it? Much of a child’s learning is watching others and copying. It’s how they learn words. And it’s also how they learn character traits such as generosity. If you want your children to be generous, model it. Let them see you sharing constantly, giving your own things away and giving up things so others can have them.

This is a huge challenge for me when it comes to sharing everything. Chocolate is my Achilles heel. It sounds ridiculous but I struggle sharing my chocolate. But I am beginning to see that in sharing something I love so much, the act of giving and sharing has become more meaningful to them. And me! If I hold anything back, they will copy me. I tried an experiment recently of sharing constantly with my three-year-old; would you like my seat, would you like some of my dinner, would you like my tissue, would you like…. It continued until it was laughable. But my three-year-old mimicked me and now constantly offers to share things with me. Except for cars!!! We’re still working on that one!

Questions: How generous are you? How can you model generosity to your children?

3.       Expose them to experience.

Years ago, when I was a youth worker, I ran a series of youth sessions on justice. I absolutely poured my heart out in writing and delivering the sessions yet I watched the young people shrug the issues off and leave the sessions unchanged. I was infuriated! Then, we ran a ‘Slum Survivor’ weekend in which the young people had to imagine they lived in slums by making their own homes from tarpaulin and wood and eating a very simple diet. Throughout the weekend, we also simulated common experiences for those living in slums such as carrying water, having their homes destroyed and having to work hard for their meals. On the morning of the final day, I gave my last attempt to move them to compassion. As I looked out, I saw tears in the eyes of one young person as well as downcast and embarrassed faces and nods from others as I spoke. Finally, they got it!!! But no amount of talking and explaining the issues did them any good. They had to experience it.

Again, in the book, one philanthropist talked of the challenge to go visit the problem they were trying to fix. They travelled across the world and visited a slum and came back from the experience more informed, having greater compassion and a determination to make a difference. I’ve seen charities like Compassion[1] travel around the country with a mobile slum for people to walk around with audio commentary on headphones for an immersive experience. Giving experience of the issues at hand is an incredibly powerful motivator to give.

Questions: How can we allow children to experience needs? Can they help at a food bank sorting one night and talk with a volunteer? Can they visit a homeless shelter? What else could they do?

4.       Talk openly about your giving.

I had a realisation some years ago that my children had no idea who we gave to as all our giving was done by direct debits. We attend church with a collection plate but again, we give through a direct debit. Our children would watch as the plate was passed around yet we handed it on every week without ever adding anything to it ourselves. I was horrified by the implications of how this could be interpreted by my children.

So we started to talk about our giving. We talked about all the charities we supported and what they did. We explained why we didn’t add to the collection plate. We talked about it. But we constantly fight the hiddenness of our giving and the need to talk about it again and again so our children are always reminded we give.

Interestingly in the book, some philanthropists chose to remain anonymous. Understandable for lots of reasons; they don’t want to appear to be showing off, they don’t want to be inundated with requests for help etc… But there are many calling for those anonymous donors to give publicly. Why? Because there is power in seeing the example of other people giving. More people are motivated to give when they know people they know and respect also give. With the right attitude and humble heart, research suggests that we actually need to be more overt about our giving so others may be encouraged to give also. We need to talk about it.

Questions: How can you share who you give to? Do you receive updates from charities that you can share? Can you create a ‘Giving Board’ of all the charities and update, talk and pray about them regularly?

5.       Ask who they want to support using your money.

In modelling sharing our finances, we can also share our money with our children to share themselves. Once when we were reviewing our giving, we did just that. We said we would give £10 a month to any charity of my oldest son’s choice. We spent time thinking about the issues that he thought were important to address. Once he’d chosen a topic, we researched lots of worthwhile charities addressing the need and he chose one. In honesty, it wouldn’t have been the cause I would have thought to have chosen and I much preferred another charity to the one he chose. But it was his decision. So, we set up the direct debit and used his name for the correspondence. Now when updates are sent through, he can see them and see how his giving is making a difference.

Questions: Can you explore with your child/children who they would like to give to? How can you give some of the ownership of giving to them?

6.       Pocket money.

What’s the perfect age to start giving pocket money? I’ve absolutely no idea!!! And how much should you give? Should it be weekly or monthly? Is it dependent on the completion of chores or the same amount each time? Is it linked to their age? These are questions I cannot answer with certainty but I can suggest how it could be given. We completely borrowed this idea from someone else but it worked well for us. At the point of starting to give pocket money, we gave our son three pots all labelled; spend, save and give. We gave the pocket money in coins and talked through the purpose of each pot. But we encouraged at least one coin in each pot. He was free to choose how he distributed them but he should always put at least one coin in each pot (unless he wanted to save and not spend!). Years on, he doesn’t use the same physical pots anymore, but he still distributes his money in the same way and puts the money to give away to the side. At the start of the month, he excitedly takes it to church to put in the collection plate where he has chosen to give it.

Teaching money management skills from a young age is really good practice but teaching about sharing and giving away that money is as equally important.

Questions: How do you give pocket money (if you do)? How could you encourage them to give some of their money away before spending it themselves?

7.       Involve in volunteering.

According to ‘Donor centered fundraising’ (by Penelope Burk), 96% of people who were involved in their research who gave away money, also volunteered. There’s a remarkably high correlation between people who give and those who volunteer. Which comes first, like the chicken and the egg conundrum, I’m not entirely sure but I don’t think it matters much. Only the knowledge that giving and volunteering are linked.

Volunteering gives people the chance to see how they can make a difference and see first-hand how the donations are spent. There then becomes a sense of ownership over the work and as a result, a life-long commitment to the cause can naturally follow. So volunteering is an important element in encouraging generosity.

My youngest, who is three years old, comes with me to a surplus food box collection where funds raised are used to feed the homeless. At the end, my little one enjoys gathering the empty boxes and stacking them high. It may seem very little, but it’s the start of him playing a role where he can help and contribute. My nine-year-old is currently exploring volunteering at our church. It is no surprise he has asked to be on the tech team running visuals from a computer. And I encourage it wholeheartedly knowing that volunteering has numerous positive outcomes including giving.

Questions: Where could your child/children be involved in volunteering? What age-appropriate ways could they be involved in helping others?

8.       Teach why we give.

As a parent of young children, you may be familiar with the phase where a child constantly asks ‘why’? I love the curiosity and the inquisitiveness but wow, it gets incessant at times. Often, I am tempted to say ‘because I said so’ (that usually comes after the 27th ‘why’?) but explaining things to children is all part of how they make sense of the world. So modelling is key, but it needs to come with why is it important to share our chocolate. Here are a few reasons to get you thinking (not in order of importance):

a.       It’s good for you – giving increases your self-esteem and self-worth. It is indeed better to give than receive!

b.       You can change a person’s life – you might not ever meet the people who benefit from your giving but you can be sure that people’s lives are impacted by the help they receive.

c.       It makes us grateful – being mindful of the wealth we have and the little others have moves us to gratitude.

Questions: Why do you think we should give? Why do your children think you should give? How can you explore all these ideas together as a family?

9.       Talk about social issues

My husband and I took our children on a day trip to London a few years ago. To get there, we travelled through our city centre to get from one train to another. On the way, we passed a homeless man. At that point, our then six-year-old had never seen a homeless person before. In my adult exposed eyes, I hadn’t even stopped to think he had no idea about homelessness. And so the questions came and his eyes were opened to see that all was not perfect and rosy in the world. We talked about it as best we could and bought lots of food at the shop so we could give something to every homeless person we passed from that point on. But he was changed, rightly so, from learning of the social issue.

As a parent, we may want to keep their world as safe and perfect as possible. But there comes a point when they realise for themselves that all is not right in the world. The first time they are bullied, the first time they see the news, the first time a refugee joins their class etc… We cannot keep them protected from the world forever. So let’s talk about it, let them hear situations from us and let them ask questions about the wrong they see in the world.

Questions: What issues can you share with your child/children? How can you explore together our part to play in seeking solutions?

10.   Use the right language.

We’ve seen it’s great to model generosity, expose our children to the issues, talk about it and involve them in finances but we can also help them with some subtle differences in our language. As people who give, we are not donors but investors. Our giving responds to needs but also leads to growth. When we give money, we also give value, worth and honour to the non-profit as well as the people they serve. Your giving today helps today but it also leaves a legacy.

By using motivational words that focus on the increased positive result of our giving, we can help children see that giving is more than a transactional based relationship. When we give, we give so much more than our money. We invest in something that can make a significant difference in the world and the lives of individuals.  

Questions: What words can you use when explaining giving to communicate that as a giver you are more than an ATM? Do you talk positively about your giving and the impact it has?

So, let’s invest in our children so they will invest in others. Let’s live it out and involve them in giving. Let’s talk about it and help them see that they can make a difference in the world.

[1] https://www.compassionuk.org/